“My yoga journey started purely in the realm of the physical to get in shape and push myself to a different level. It was like that for the first two years of my practice, and then I began to see the shift to something more. I was in a high stress job and began to cultivate a different awareness around myself, and began to notice how I was occurring to others. I was becoming aware of how others were seeing me, how concerned my family was becoming with my stress level, and how I was always burning the candle at both ends.
That’s when I started to look at the other side of the journey, and listen a little more to what was going on with myself, and I decided to do a yoga teacher training. It’s funny because I had been looking online to see where I could train somewhere before Yoga Body Shop had announced theirs. Being in that first group of teacher trainees, and then having the role of the manger of the studio, I was able to really look at it all from a sense of community and on a global scale. As leaders in yoga and at YBS, it’s amazing how we can really affect and change lives through the Baptiste methodology: being in the practice of, 1) Physicality, 2) Possibility, and 3) Empowerment. It’s in the methodology and beyond that with our work or experiences to bring in when we teach. I bring this into my classes, and I’m sharing more now than ever. I’m in a new space these days not managing the studio. It’s opened me up to be able to be a little more vulnerable and raw rather than always getting caught in between on the business side, which definitely was not an easy thing to do.
Leaving the position- it was really, really hard for me. I love the owners, Ron and Linda like family and truly care about them as people and as business owners. But, being in that role was just not serving me well. It was taking the joy of my teaching away and the reality of it is, is that yoga is a business in so many forms. Stepping away was life-changing because it really wasn’t about them, and I worked very hard to show them that I could still love and support the studio in a huge way, and it was just time for me to go. That was a big thing, because many times in my life I would have just stayed because I felt committed and wanted to please them.
I’ve just gone through the stages of grief where I just really wasn’t wanting to practice, or be in the studio that much. I feel like I’m starting to come out of that a little bit and letting it play out and not forcing or willing myself to being one way or another. I’m walking through and letting it happen as it does.
This has been a real learning experience. I think I occur to people as very strong because I’ve always had to, and would push through difficult things throughout my life. This is the first time I felt that I really stepped into my power. I felt free; I felt strong; I was proud of myself, and I felt really authentic. I owned the fact that I was not perfect, and that I couldn’t do everything for everyone and for myself at the same time. That in 47 years hadn’t happened. Ever. I had gotten to a point and realized that I couldn’t keep this pace up as much as I wanted to.
So, I don’t know if I would be where I am if not for all the training and work; the methodology, and being taught how to be authentic and stand in my power; not going into my default, and then, being okay with being uncomfortable. It’s hard to always be in the practice. You try to be in integrity, always, and there are times where you come out of it. What matters is what you do when you recognize it.
I am much more authentic in THIS moment as a teacher and as a leader because I can really be open. I mean let’s face it- being the manager of the studio prior, I may have been feeling different types of ways and going through certain kinds of things, but I couldn’t be open and raw and authentic. Now, I’m owning what I feel, I’m committing to doing the things I want to do in my life, and more importantly, I’m committing to not doing things I don’t want to do to just to please others. So, I’m at a really exciting place in the journey.
I’ve made lots of changes and I’m out of my comfort zone because my whole life I’ve been a people pleaser. Now, I’m choosing to please myself for the first time, and this is big for me.”
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